"Your life does not get better by chance; it gets better by change!" Jim Rohn On November 18th, 2016 I married the man that God saved me for, and as a special bonus, I became the mother to a 10-year-old girl and an 8-year-old Labrador, You talk about a life adjustment; this was an axis shift, and my entire world changed. Before meeting my husband, I was a single, fancy-free C-suite executive; whose daily focus was on turning around a struggling beauty company, getting to the gym for my favorite cardio class, shopping on 5th Avenue and planning exciting getaways with my friends and family. I had a life that I loved, but something was missing...My soulmate! I know this sounds corny, but I believed that God would send the one when I was ready and not a minute before. Now there were many nights I would ask God, what is taking you so long to send my boo-thang, but I always kept the faith. I won't bore you with the details of our romance. What I will say is that it felt like an old-school 70's love song, you know like "Let me make love to you" by the O'Jays or Natural Woman by the Queen of Soul, it was wondrous and he still gives me butterflies. But, I had no idea how much work it would take to become a good wife and mother!
Confessions from a Real Wife of Jersey I used to give a "Prince" side eye to my married girlfriends when they would complain about their husbands, children, work and not having enough time in the day. I would say to myself, my mom raised four kids, kept her husband happy, our house spotless, dinner (not take out) on the table every night and did it all looking like a supermodel! What I didn't realize is that my mom wasn't a supermodel, but she and all mothers and wives were Super Heroes! This realization hit me after only a few months of my new reality, and while I was overjoyed and completely in love with my husband, daughter, and even my dog child. Surprisingly, the happiest time of my life became the most challenging. I read that moving, job change, getting married, are the life events that cause the most stress, and I was experiencing them all at once.
"Toto I HAVE a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." Over the past 17 years, I was a proud urbanite. I could walk out of my front door at noon or midnight to find some great food, connect with a diverse group of people at the local coffee shop and check out cool art galleries. It was a life that I took for granted. So when my then boyfriend, invited me to his house for a cookout the only thing I knew about this town was the Fur company (and I love a good fur coat), so I didn't think it was going to be too bad. But as I drove past miles of farmland without seeing a Starbucks, I knew that I was in trouble. When I pulled into the driveway, he walked out with his beautiful boyish grin and said "welcome home baby"! I giggled nervously, because even though we had only been on a few dates, deep down inside I knew that he was serious. In fact, I had already fallen in love with him too, but could I be happy living in the sleepy suburbs, where the most exciting event taking place was the opening of the Chick-fil-A. So a year and three months after our first date we were married! Like Dorothy, I had to navigate through new adventures, develop new friendships, and overcome difficulties. Some more challenging than others.
"Harpo who dis woman?" Have you ever walked into a room and you immediately knew everyone was starting to talk about you? Well for the first six months after I moved in with my husband, the news in the town was not just about the new Chick-fil-A, but also the new chick in town. Now I completely understand that my husband lived there for ten years and had a different life before me, so we expected some scuttlebutt. But this was on a new level, some of the women treated me worse than Scarlett Ohara after she stole her sister's man. I remember one incident, in particular, my husband had to work late and my daughter asked me to take her to the local yogurt spot for a back to school event, I was a bit reluctant, but I wanted her to have fun with her friends. My commitment as a new mom was not to allow her to suffer for the decisions that we make as adults. So I put on my Michelle Obama "go high" attitude and took her to the event. As expected, most of the mothers pretended that I was the non-English speaking hot nanny unworthy of a hello. After sitting there for the most awkward thirty minutes of my life, I realized that this was not about me or some first wives loyalty club. These women were just afraid of being replaced. Terrified of getting divorced and seeing their Ex happy, their children holding hands with the "new mom" and living a better life without them. I decided I would remain kind and gracious at all times. I would say hello, even if I would get the cold shoulder, I would ease into my new role and not run for the President of the PTA just yet and I would give everyone time to adjust and heal to the new reality. Please check out more of my post on how I navigate being a wife, mom, and a boss!